Unity

Thanks to the help of a friend and prayer and more importantly God I realized that I am not going to reach perfection and that these feelings were being whispered by Satan. I was buying into his game and succumbing to his trap. I learned that I must take every thought captive for Christ. I also belittled the power of the cross. Oh my gosh I am so sorry God for forgetting how powerful you are.

Finally I learned that I am not alone in my problems and that I can talk to people. Especially my accountability partners. I feel so stupid that I did not go talk to them. I need to talk to them all the time. Most of all I learned to talk to God about these things first. He must be my first resort. Dang God is great.

Things I am going to start doing.

1. Seek Knowledge for the efforts in evangelism
2. Seek love more than knowledge so I can use knowledge wisely.
3. Seek more unity in the Church so that we all don't feel alone in my walk like I just did.
   
4. LOVING GOD MORE!!!

overwhelmed?dying spiritually?despondancy? what is this?

I really don't understand this feeling, but when it arises I have the weirdest mood. I don't understand it much as I said earlier so I probably will sound very confusing and inarticulate. Well here it goes.

I feel tired and weary.
I feel guilty of my failures.
I'm having a hard time being joyful.
I am not always seeing the joy in my purpose for God.
I feel like I'm getting attacked by so much work.
I feel like I want to drop my hobbies because of criticism.
I feel like my pride needs to be put to an end.
I want Christ to give me joy.
I want the Holy Spirit to fill me more.
I want to stop complaining(yet here I am)
I want someone to talk to anytime I need it.
I want to stop having wants because I know God can provide.
I want relief from God.
I want to be a spiritual leader.
I want to share the grace of God.

okay you might have gotten bored about my complaints and I know I should not complain,but this feeling has been nagging me and when I put it off it gets worse. I'm glad I still have a will to put an end to these bad feelings. And I'm glad I am trying to look to God in this time, but I feel so lacking and needing of growth. I mentioned I want to drop hobbies because of criticism. I need to really forget about the criticism and think of that criticism in a way that I can better myself next time, but lately I've been a child in my thinking when I received it. This post shows that I have a lot of growing to do. Please pray for me if you read this.

Sinful Heart Remade By E.J. Cabasal/Originally sung by Zee Avi

Your love comes down as seen when we have big frowns
We try to save ourselves but we fall down down down
You wait for us: it's been a long time now,
We still believe we’re right
Even though you give your son
I rest my case I will always lose to fate
And you know how much I need to turn around 'round 'round,
Sinful heart, Sinful heart tries to keep away from God
Sinful heart, Sinful heart His light will shine when you go hide,
Sinful heart, my Sinful heart is gettin' just a little harder
Sinful heart, Sinful heart of mine.
And then we come with the broken heart of ours and we give our life to God
So he forgives our sin
Doo doo da dum, doo doo da dum, doo doo doo doo doo doo da da dum dum, da da da da dum, da da da da dum, da da da da dum.
Forgiven heart, Forgiven heart all because of Jesus Christ
Forgiven heart, Forgiven heart shadows are gone because of light
Forgiven heart, my Forgiven heart is getting just a little softer
Forgiven heart, Forgiven heart of mine, for Christ, for Christ, for Christ, for Christ, for Christ

the gift of our bodies.

Our bodies are such blessings that i use for the wrong reasons. Everyday i'm at school and i have a very big job. A job so important that if i did not complete people would die.

I used my body for the wrong reason. I did not use it when i had the chance to complete God's mission for me. I used it to walk away from opportunities to share the grace of God. I used it to view things that were God's creation in a sinful and inconsiderate way. I used it to speak disgusting words to insult and tear down instead of build up. I used it to indulge in things i didnt need. I used it to listen to things i could have tuned out. I am still a sinful and disobedient vessel.

I read in 1 corinthians about our new bodies that will be prepared for those who loved God. I want to prepare my life for that new body that God has waiting for me, but i keep pushing it away being an ignorant child. God please change my heart and help me to use my body as the holy tool you intended for me to be. LORD I NEED YOU!! I've tried repeatedly to change myself but i cannot. i want to truly use my body for God

I thank God because even though i am clearly not perfect and i try (and fail) to be the servant he wants me to be. God forgives me of my shortcomings through the one and only Jesus Christ.

Let my life be a sweet sweet sound. Please Change my heart o God. I love you God. I love you God. I love you God

washed away.

I am a sinful,disgusting, dirty piece of scum.
I honestly don't understand why a God will spend his time on me.
I praise God that he does forgive me and that he is sovereign over my life.
I have a new hope and peace I did not have before.
My anxieties about the future,school,relationships, and more importantly sin are washed away.
They are washed away in his cleansing flow.
I cannot fathom his love.
His love is intensely far beyond what I can even perceive about love.
I don't have a need for worries.
When trials come I can say once again to Satan's face.
It is well with my soul.

Thank you for the cross, your love, and for being who you are Oh, God.